This week has been absolutely crazy, I don't want to get too many details, but I'll give the good stuff
So Monday as a district we went ice skating at the local college. super fun and a great workout. As we skated we talked about the things of the Kingdom of God. If you looked and listened on from the outside your Jaw would have dropped. Where else can you find 19-21-year-old kids talking about the kingdom of God and salvation, spiritual experiences and etc. Nowhere! But on a mission. So come on out!
Wednesday we had our first district meeting. I fasted super hard for heavenly fathers help in doing this. Never given a training before and wanted it to be good! So I got up and started off talking about questions and their importance in missionary work. Then I blanked, my mind turned back on, and I said in the name of Jesus christ. Just like that it was over. I barely had enough time to cover everything that I had prepared. The training went well with everyone getting something out of it! Suepr exciting. Cant waitfor future trainigs. Definitely have to rely on the Lord though!
Thursday first exchange with Elder Song. Went and trained him on showing emotion during missionary work, super funny! We had a decent morning. But by about mid afternoon we had been rejected quite a bit. Finally, I had a person really get under my skin and push my buttons. I will quote from my president letter:
Unfortunately, I had someone get really deep under my skin and push some really hard buttons. It seems that in my quest to conquer my other weaknesses and focus on that aspect of my life, I have completely neglected the other weaknesses in my life and Satan is now searching out those parts of my life and is trying to work his way in through them. So anyways this man somehow knew exactly what to say to make me mad in no time flat. I started walking away but then he catcalled out to me and I blanked for the next 4 seconds till I felt Elder Song pushing me away and then I really walked away this time and didn't look back. It was extremely stressful and I just wanted to cry. I felt so bad for the image I gave, but also that this man just completely hardened his heart to us and wasn't even willing to listen for a second to this wonderful message that if he heard would literally bring the most happiness to his life ever! So I did cry and prayed for Heavenly Father to help this man. Throughout the rest of the day, we just kept meeting very unlikable people. Luckily I was already prepared and just walked away most of the time so I don't have to worry about ever getting close again. I just don't know what to do about it. I feel like I can't get close to those people because I will lose it on them again and I definitely don't want that. So It's better to avoid them. But I can't avoid them forever, but how do you love someone who literally pushes every single one of your buttons so that all you want to do is either run to avoid it, or run at them and pummel them? At the point where the choice exists, there's not usually a lot of time to think and do something Christlike, my mind usually is starting to lose its grip already at that point
It was really bad, I don't remember much, Elder song had to tell me what happened. But all I know is it felt terrible. I couldnt handle the anger and frustration. Finally shook it off and have just been avoiding those people ever since. It seems there are more of them lately. Havent had a really good day since then. Just praying and studying trying to find anything to help me. So far its just trying to love them, even when the love is gone. Anyways!
Well, other than that nothing much has really happened this week, that occupied most of my time. The rest of it, I studied instancers of anger and patience in the Sciptures and have been really praying for God to help me. Sometimes I feel all alone and then I remember I'm not. I have Christ and the Spirit on my side. And thats all I need. But then I have your prayers and your wishes and I know that everyone is supporting me. So we push on and exercise more faith hoping that he will answer our prayers. A scipture just came to my mind:
I have talked about this scripture before, but it comes again, this is what we are striving for. To be to the point where we can rejoice in persecutions and challenges. I thought I was there, but I still have soooo much more to do. And it gives me hope. becauseI know that if there is weakness, that means theres strength, which means the Lord really is helping us and fulfilling his promise in Ether 12:27. So we press forward